28 things you either get or you dont this Black History Month

I havent spoken directly to many of you in a while, and I imagine it is time since we have much to talk about….well, not much, but these 28 right here specifically.

1)”Blackness” is not a noun, adjective, concept, frame of mind or falvor of ice cream. It’s just some shit some long ago pretend slam poet came up with to distinguish their supposed deepness from the supposed deepness of others. You are either Black, or you are not. There is no panel or council which gets to decide. You don’t need to defend it in court and there are no unique social criteria by which one can have membership revoked.

2)Our focus on destination weddings is past ridiculous at this point. You have people, typically those who can ill afford it, trying to find the most far-off, cast away location to drag their friends and loved ones to for nuptials. If the day is truly about the love you share, find a church, a dude in a robe and declare it. Stop all this world tripping with bears roraing in the background and mineral springs in your group photos.

3)Richard Sherman was right. Crabtree is a marginally good receiver and he is the best DB in football. Why was Kap stupid enough to throw at him in that situation. Much of middle America is wrong about him too. He is neither a thug, nor a problem child. Even our community has an issue with brothers being emotional in public, and all of our outpouring is viewed as some form of anger (see: danger). As a matter of fact, I defy any of you to appropriately define thug, and then rightly apply it to him, or most any other athlete, for that marrer.

4)If you are doing dumb shit, I’m judging you. So dont bother to say “don’t judge me.” Be thankful that I think enough of you to expect (demand?) better of you. Stop doing that, stop wearing that, stop saying that, stop listening to that, stop being that. I’m just saying.

5)Kendrick Lamar is the best MC on the planet, period. He is better than whoever you are thinking of is the best. Best flows, concepts, topics and delivery. I dont care about sales or influence. He is better. Jay-Z is past his creative prime and is given a pass by the general public at this point. He is no different than Jimmy Buffet singing tropical good times tunes and selling out concerts. The “King of New York” is no different than an MVP award in my mind. It serves as a marker that one is the best. If NYC wants it back, earn it. How we gon produce a dude like Papoose and expect to keep the mantle of power.

6)In reference to the above, rap music generally sucks right now. But so does most pop, jazz, dub-step and chamber music. If you care, find when is beuatiful through all this mess. If not, dont complain.

7)If you bought a ticket to a Tyler Perry film, or fully support someone who did, then you, my child, are a part of the problem.

8)Why do so many of you feel the need to question the sexuality of any brother who is front and center in politics or academics?

9)”The Lord will bless me with a spouse when I’m ready” seems like a very easy way to end up blaming the most high for inactivity and poor personal development on our parts. How do you go about determining your readiness without examining yourself? I mean your actual work. I’ve enver understood people having access to members of the opposite sex (or whoever/wahtever you love most) and not asking questions about their qualities, areas for improvement, storng suits, personal off putting intricacies…grow up and take responsibility for yourself, and while you are it, set reasonable goals and stop putting your Most high on the hook because you are standing still.

10)Have a license, have a passport. Just don’t feel obligated to use the passport for any damn destination weddings.

11)Find some time, daily or weekly, to spend with your dreams. Dreaming in real time can keep you young and emotionally healthy.

12)I feel as strongly as many of you, about the tragedies that have befallen many young men and women in our community due in large part to hatred, intolerance and outright criminality. I, however, don’t see how a march, vigil or demonstration is anything more than a photo op and social networking opportunity.

13)I know less than 20 Black people who can actually ski, but I know approximately 100 who regularly go on ski trips.

14)Valentine’s Day is little more than a creation of the commercial machine, designed to promote a secondary Black Friday for the greeting card and fine dining industries. With all of that being said, fellas, you better not forget them damn flowers and make reservations right now!

15)I look forward to being able to speak with my own people, of all ages, about sexuality in our community, without it devolving into a conversation about sin, a rehashing of “what God said” and outright attacks on an entire segment of people, who are ultimately our family, children and friends.

16)Pam Oliver’s hair is a mess. We all know it. And she does a very good job as an on-field sideline reporter. But let’s be clear, were she exceptional at her job, and held in the highest regard then she would be an in-studio correspondent and would have a personal stylist, hair and make-up whatever whatever. It could be that the networks are sexist, but I ask you, has Pam ever said or done anything to suggest to you that she would contribute much to a desk team? And, her hair is still a mess son.

17)The problem isnt with watching reality television or listening to crap music, or drnking oneself into a stupor or sleeping with married people, or getting deported or streaking naked across frozen streets in Atlanta. No, the problem is doing these things and proudly proclaiming that you have done them. Tweeting or updating your status to reflect that you have done them. Memorializing them in picture or song. And then failing to be ashamed of yourself afterward.

18)You still smoke cigarettes? Seriously? Do you also still watch Harlem Globetrotters games, drink Tang and wear Underoos?

19)Slavery

20)Had a conversation recently with a friend about our nation’s readniess to elect a woman President considering that we have now had a two term Black President. Convo spilled over to when I think a Black woman could be elected. I stated flatly that there are no Black females who are electable at present. This MF tosses out Michelle Obama. WTF? Part of the issue that i have in our community with having a real discussion about the political process is how we shape it with our bias. That dude hasnt been able to stand in his office without us tripping over ourselves to be certain that we fantasize and fabricate scenarios where the first lady is actually involved in every major decision the chief makes. I simply don;t get it, and that is beyond the fact that she isnt actually a politician of note. For the record, I also wouldnt vote for Clobuchar, Boxer, Clinton or any of the other ladies that are close to the ticket podium. I wouldnt vote for Jindal, Biden, Ryan, Cruz, Warner or Booker. At this point, the process has a lot to show me.

21)We still arent doing enough to educate our children about sex and sexuality. Telling them wait, abstain or “dont bring no babies in this house” does nothing to help them manage the pull of their hormones. My son pointed out a “very pretty lady” to me the other do and it honestly scared the shit out of me. Dude is like 6, and I tried to agree with him in a bro code kind of way without moving the conversation along. Hell, this conversation is tough to have, but necessary

22)I see the reaction that young brothers have to us as a community, and I realize that we need to begin talking to them, meeting with them where they are, and stop correcting and talking at them.

23)Where the hell did all of these Black vegans, vegetarians, at home soap and clothing makers, hemp rope jumpers and praise dancers come from? You people are everywhere, and I’m not certain that it is a good thing.

24)Black kids have gotten into trappings of supposed “Nerd” culture, but they arent all wearing it well. If that’s just a costume, then treat your life like it’s a holiday, but don’t start sprting Star Wars and Star Trek gear just because. Some of us had to sacrifice much and suffer long to support our Nerd culture bonafides.

25)Violence aganist women in our community is not discussed enough and is inexcusable. We all know these brothers, and need to sort them out. There should be relationship penalties up to and including shunning. Character assassination of Black men in our community happens to liberally and is inexcusable. Mind how your words become our children;s thoughts and our communities deeds.

26)There is no good reason why, with the plethora of local festivals in every city in this great land, full functioning adults are taking time away from work and family to carry their hapy asses to the Essence festival. You can’t come up with one substantive reason why you should be there. People like you are why Freaknik existed to begin with.

27)Slavery

28)I expect all of you to huga Black person every day this month, photograph it and post it to my page. We are passing love of, and with, Black people on to everyone everywhere.

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